Open Doors
by As-Long-As-I'm-Around
Summary: 'I had thought my story started with Edward, and ended with him after James-except, he had left a door open in our lives, a door that Jasper came hurtling through.' A different take to New Moon. Eventual Bella x Jasper.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Wanted to give it a go. I've been reading a lot of Jasper and Bella fics so I wanted to try mine.  
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 **PLEASE let me know if you want me to continue?**

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Bella's P.O.V

I should have never believed that my life was like a fairytale. Because somehow believing in that description, turned it into a reality, and if you've ever read the old tales, then you will know why that is not a good thing.

Even in the modern tales, something always goes wrong, horribly, dreadfully so. Whoever's story it is that is being told, is uprooted and changed so dramatically that they-and you as the reader-are left bewildered, and eager to read on-if not to see if they survive and conquer.

If i wanted to relate to that, I suppose it could be the death of the old me. As soon as I met Edward, he opened the door to another life for me, and I was only too eager to bid Bella Swan, human, goodbye and become Bella Cullen-vampire. I know how great my love for Edward was-I was not blind to that, nor was I ashamed to admit that he was the center of my world.

Though Edward was not the only reason I wanted to become a vampire.

I know he sees me differently-and I am told most people do. I don't think I'm ugly, but I will never understand how Edward looks at me as if I'm the most beautiful thing he sees. Sometimes a morbid part of me thinks that it is because he is hungry, so it is his reaction to my blood. It is times like those that I am most grateful that he can't read my mind, because he would be appalled.

I've always seen myself as average, and I think that had always been my greatest motivator behind achieving so much. I know I'm smart, and think differently to others-and Renee had always told me that would take me far. But I was clumsy and quiet, and I had never been able to be shaped into anything extraordinary.

It wasn't even meeting Edward and his family that drove me to this conclusion-although that was a great part of it. It was when Edward told me that he could not read his mind-and that I was the only one he had come across with both species. My blood may have been what had drawn Edward to me, but it was the curiosity of what lurked beneath a barrier he could not cross that kept him attracted.

Or, if that wasn't the big moment, then maybe it was what occurred with James, and then what happened with Jasper.

Because, if I was honest with myself, what happened with James had built that wall of doubt that Edward had about us-had about me and his lifestyle. Jasper was like the icing to the cake, the straw to the camel's back. I could hardly blame him for what occurred next.

If anything, I blamed myself.

I had thought my story started with Edward, and ended with him after James. I had foolishly, naively thought that that would be it for me. I had had my fairytale, and it could stop there, and if anyone was reading, then they could make up their own conclusion. They could think-did she wait until after school to get changed? They could make up their own mind and be happy about that, instead of picking up a sequel to read onto.

Because unfortunately, that's what happened.

James left a door open in our lives, and Jasper came hurtling through it, the moment he came hurtling towards me the night I turned eighteen, and received, would you believe it, a paper cut.

Sometimes, it's not something major.

Sometimes it's the small things.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate everyone who reviewed-and followed and that Jazz ;)  
**

 **I just have to say, this story is going to start off slow.  
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 **For me-reading a lot of Jasper and Bella stories, what disappointed me was how QUICKLY Jasper and Bella jumped into a friendship, into feelings etc. To me, it's unrealistic-both because they were barely friends until they were family, and because in the real world it doesn't ALWAYS work out like that. Most often, it doesn't.**

 **I hope you stick around but!  
**

 **This chapter is slightly AU from New Moon...just a head's up!**

 **Jasper's POV will be the next chapter, and at the end of this one I think you'll understand why!**

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Bella's P.O.V

I think the reason I hated birthdays so much was designed, and imprinted on my brain just for this night.

It was futile, but I had even told them to not make an ordeal out of my birthday-even though Alice thrived off making ordeals for any event really.

And an eighteenth, a milestone and- _how, Bella, could you deny me the chance to do this?_

Ugh! Alice was a manipulator and I knew it, but I still could not bring myself to object to it. I could tell that she was excited, and rustled the whole day with anticipation while I walked with trepidation.

It was as if I was going to my own funeral-and that irony was not lost on me, but I did not speak up, only smiled at my own morbid thoughts. I remember Jasper's eyes moving away from Alice, and turning onto me. He looked curious, cocking a neat eyebrow perfectly at me in an obvious attempt to prompt me to speak. I shook my head, darting a quick look at Edward in explanation for my refusal to answer his unspoken question. Jasper nodded as if he understood, and turned back to Alice, but his attention was no longer solely focused on her. Edward or Alice did not notice this exchange as they had been to engrossed on planning tonight.

Nothing else memorable stuck out about the day, but I do briefly remembered if I should have felt something else-because Alice was right. It was a milestone.

However, the only thing I felt was the disappointment of my continuous aging, where Edward remained forever seventeen, and the gut instinct that this night would be one to remember-but for the wrong reasons.

I think I palmed off that gnawing feeling to nerves, and let it be overshadowed by Alice's visions-forgetting that there were not set in stone, because the actions of people were always evolving and changing.

The excuse of needing to watch Romeo and Juliet only succeeded in buying me some time, and because it just prolonged what was inevitable, it made it worse.

Edward smiled the whole time he drove my truck over, knowing full well of my distress.

"Look, Bella. Please be kind, at least try to appear happy about this. They are all excited-I am as well. I'm honored that I get to be by your side for your eighteenth. It's a milestone I never got to experience." His voice sounded sad, but I knew better, because I knew Edward.

As most things, I let it slide.

"Of course I'll be kind. And, I'm not a very good actor. You know this." His lips quirked at the corner, but he did not say anything, so I continued.

"And-although I'm not glad about my age, I'm at least glad I get to spend it with you, too." Edward's smirk disappeared, replaced by disapproval. When it comes to things I want, I did not skirt around it with the clever twist of words-I just said it for what it was.

"Bella, please." He sighed, and the gentle plea washed over, ridding motive to continue to engage in this particular discussion. I turned my head away and looked at the window, and although we didn't speak for the rest of the drive, my hand remained in his.

I guess the one thing that I was grateful for about this night, was that they had not invited anyone else. I took small comfort in that as each greeted me in their own way.

Alice bounced up to me, her lips stretched into a wide, inviting smile before she threw her arms around me. She was careful to be gentle, only slightly squeezing me, before releasing me. Esme was next, and the warmth that radiated from her reminded me of my own mother. I remember feeling a lump in my throat, and Esme's expression faltered as she took notice. Still, she did not speak of it, and instead fixed me with a knowing look before gently putting her arms around me.

"Happy birthday, Bella," She whispered in my ear and released me. Carlisle smiled at me, inclining his head in greeting.

Emmett's reaction surprised me the most as he bounced up to me, reminding me of a five year old on a sugar high.

"You've got to see my gift, you're going to love it!"

"It's not just _your_ gift, Emmett," Rosalie rolled her eyes at her mate, and her eyes shifted to mine, looking slightly warmer then they had before.

"Especially since _I'm_ the one who installed it." She looked at me as if almost challenging me, and I licked my lips to prepare myself to answer her question and pass this test.

"Well, then. As Emmett is overly excited about this, shall we all go, and you lead the way?" She appraised me for a small second before turning away-but I still caught the smile on her face.

"After your cake, Bella." Edward said softly, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him. In looking way, they fell upon Jasper, who was watching me in a peculiar manner. His head was slightly cocked to the side, as if I was a puzzle that he wanted to figure out-just like Edward did.

But I got the impression that if Edward ever figured me out, he would want to rearrange the puzzle to his desire. Jasper would just leave it be and admire the picture for what it was.

I felt myself blushing, and Jasper's brow furrowed at my sudden embarrassment. I quickly turned away, tucking myself closer into Edward's side and concentrating on the cake.

"I-thank you so much. But you didn't have to go to all this trouble for me," my voice was quiet-shy-but I made sure to look around to further express my 'gratitude' towards them.

Don't get me wrong-it was a beautiful gesture. But it had always been me and Rene up until recently, and we'd had our own tradition. I'd never felt like a part of a family to this extent before, and suddenly, it was all too easy to feel grateful towards the Cullen's. I could feel Jasper's gaze piercing into my back, and I studiously ignored him, knowing what he picked up and understanding his urge to question it.

"It's a pleasure Bella. We're so glad that we get to celebrate this birthday with you. Thank you for letting us do this," Esme said sweetly, and I smiled at her in response. She saved me from having to respond by beckoning me towards the table. I hesitated, but was nudged forwards by Edward, who remained where he was as I forced myself to keep walking. Esme took me gently by the arms, placing me in front of the cake and stepping to the side, giving me back the full attention of the seven vampires. Blushing, I kept my gaze on the candles that flickered lazily, as if they were sure they would not blow out because there was not a single breeze in the room.

"Go on, blow them out! Make a wish, Bella. We'll spare you your dignity-and ours-by at least not singing for you." Alice giggled, and I thought to myself that they would only be sparing my dignity, because I was sure that if they could sound musical just by speech, then they would definitely sound beautiful singing.

It's funny, the details you remember on nights that change the course of your life completely.

I closed my eyes as I made a silent wish, and then softly blew. The flames faded, and I opened my eyes slowly, locking them onto Edward. He smiled at me knowingly, and I blushed once again before straightening up and moving away from the cake so Esme could cut it.

I was not going to tempt fate on that one.

As Esme was carefully cutting out a piece for me, Alice bounced up to me with an envelope in her hand.

"Just a little extra something," Her eyes sparkled, and I'm sure my face displayed my skepticism because she giggled and retreated back to Jasper's side.

"Can I have that piece? It looks so good, I have to try it!" Emmett's voice boomed. I remember hearing Rosalie's huff, but she did not object and I wondered if that was because she knew it was futile.

I didn't spend too long thinking about that, as I was too busy wondering what this envelope contained. I slid my finger under the seal, only to pull away hissing as it hit the corner instead.

"Ouch. God damn it-on an envelope, really?" I muttered, feeling annoyed and forgetting about what I'd really just done. I was alerted when the room suddenly went still, feeling very tight all of a sudden. I looked up, meeting Edward's horrified gaze. His own traveled to Jasper, who's face had suddenly contorted as if in pain.

I knew better.

I met his fevered, dark gaze as my mind registered the danger I had just put myself in. I was dimly aware of everyone else moving to counter what was about to transpire, while I remained frozen to the spot.

Jasper took a deep, unnecessary breath, as if he was trying to pull something else other then the scent of my blood in. His shoulders relaxed, and his pupils began to lighten.

It is funny that in the moments of panic, that some things stood out in clear clarity, while others were a blurred mess of events that had to be viewed very closely to get a clear image.

I didn't even see Edward move until I felt him push me backwards. Arms caught me, but it still felt as if I had hit a boulder. I winced from the impact, knowing that I would later have bruises, but the pain was muted by the scene that still continued to unfold before me.

Edward was inches from Jasper, and the only thing that separated them was tiny Alice. Alice seemed to be pleading with Edward-who was snarling and hissing something at Jasper. I pulled my eyes away to see who had caught me, and was astonished to see that it had been Rosalie. She bore a pinched expression, and I was reminded of the small cut on my finger. I yanked myself out of her grip, and she turned wide eyes onto me, locking me in place with her smouldering, golden pupils.

"I'm-" I was about to apologize, but she shook her head with pursed lips, her face shifting into something unreadable. I swallowed and turned to Esme, who had her mouth covered with her hand.

"Bella-I'll take you home," Carlisle's quiet, resigned voice broke me out of my trance, and I turned back to where Edward, Jasper and Alice had been to find them gone. Emmett and Rosalie were gone, too, and I remembered wondering why. It was just a paper cut, nothing had really happened and yet-

It had felt like _everything_ had happened in that moment. That whereas I felt it was an overreaction on the others part-they didn't. Something else had changed, had shifted, and I was in the middle of it.

"No," I choked out stubbornly, shaking my head.

"No, I'm-I need to wait here. I'll clean up my cut, but I'm waiting here." I was determined, and my words came out strong and firm. I didn't wait to see their reaction-to see if I had offended them with my bluntness. Instead, I marched to the kitchen and stuck my finger under the water, rinsing it off and wondering how a few droplets of blood had caused such a significant moment-and knowing that my eighteenth was indeed some sort of milestone-just not the one it was intended for.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all your review guys! I really struggled with Jasper's POV...but I hope it was okay. Can you please let me know what you think? This chapter I think, starts the foundation of their friendship...and yeah. Anyway, if I can get some feedback that would be awesome. But please be gentle. Cheers!**

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 _Jasper_

I know what they think of me-and it consumes me. I don't need to be gifted in empathetic skills to be aware of this. I can see it in their expressions; there is always the ghost of it when they turn their eyes on me. As if they are trying to mute it for my benefit- _when I can already feel it._

They say you cannot have a thought without having a feeling, and that is true. And that is why Edward and my gift is so similar.

So, I don't need to be able to hear their thoughts, and if I did, it would be meaningless because I can see it in their expressions-the furrow of brows, the haunted eyes, the small worrying of their lips. All of it draws me exactly to the truth.

Feelings never lie-but thoughts can. They are endless, churning and evolving. Sometimes, because of thoughts feeling can adapt and change.

But never gut feelings, and those, I am the master of.

My world was a lot easier when the subject for my family's worry was outside of us. Most of us had no reason to interact with humans, rather then polite exchanges in passing. Although there were different opinions on vampires, all could agree that in the process of turning-whether it was by choice or not-that our humanity had been stripped, and in the place lay a monster.

I think if we were ever exposed, it would be chaos and panic. The world would turn upside down-and they would forget, as they often do, about the monsters in their own species.

I hadn't been going to school for very long-it had been difficult enough for me to adapt to the 'vegetarian' way. Humans have it easy-they live, and then they die. They evolve and go on to what ever happens next. But me? My species? We live onwards, stuck, never changing, and never forgetting.

I think that's the worst thing-never forgetting. Because there is so much I'd like to not remember.

Although it was hard, with Alice and Edward, it was _manageable_. And that was enough.

Until Bella came hurtling in, bursting every security bubble I'd had.

At first, it was about her blood, although it did not sing to me like it did to Edward. I tried to interact with her how I did with other humans I'd come across: with mere politeness from far away. I was surprised by her reaction to that. She wasn't scared, but instead both slightly offended and yet understanding. I felt her struggle, how the two tried to counteract the other one, before she settled with indifference.

Bella was unlike anyone I'd come across. There was a maturity about her that I didn't see in people her age. She made me question what destiny really was about, and why it had granted her the means to step into this life. Because whatever it was that blocked Edward from reading her thoughts, I knew that it would not end there. And so it was the reason that Edward had been drawn to her, I somehow knew, it was there for be drawn into our world. I knew this was a theory that bothered Edward whenever I thought about it, because even though, with some reluctance, he had introduced her to our world, he still did not want her to be a part of it. He wanted to live on the edge, like some dangerous dance, keeping them balanced on the line.

But although Edward was a strong lead-I knew it would be Bella that would eventually conquer. There was a strength about her that was hidden by shyness and timidness, but I could still see bubbling at the edges when something happened that she disagreed with. I saw it in the purse of her lips, the tightening of her eyes, and in the turmoil inside, but most times she did not speak of it-and I often wondered- _what would happen if she did?_

Perhaps my curiosity was heightened because she was the first human I'd encountered since my change of lifestyle. Perhaps it was because I felt what Edward was feeling, so I felt it myself. Even for me, it's hard to sometimes distinguish my own feelings to everyone else's.

But on the night of Bella's birthday, I definitely knew what was mine, and what belonged to everyone else. I remembered clearly the small prickle of blood, and the heavenly aroma that hung about the room like a fragrance.

I reacted like any vampire did-like they all did, but were just more accustomed to hiding it.

I could feel the change, the hunger that lifted it's head and start to dig it's claws into dead veins, working and pulsing quite like blood does around the body. I remember meeting Bella's terrified glance, and that's when the head paused in it's rearing, and the claws started to retract. Amongst the terror, I could see something else. I couldn't quite pinpoint it exactly, but whatever it was, was stronger then my urge.

I had straightened, and her expression had began to morph into relief. That stood out, because it was the only other emotion in the room.

The rest, was chaotic panic-the kind that spreads like disease from person to person. It consumes, and stops all other motors in the brains from working. And as I broke away from Bella's gaze, it all slammed into me, and I couldn't think of anything else then the overbearing desire to run.

I tore away from Edward, ignoring whatever he was saying. I didn't have to hear their footsteps, or the movements their fast paces made, to know they had all followed.

Only when I felt as if the distance between the house and myself was enough, did I stop and turn to my audience of four. Alice stood beside me, her eyes worried as she looked between Edward and myself. Short Alice, who had always been some sort of bodyguard for me rather then an equal in this partnership.

"Edward, he wasn't going to do anything!" She spoke now, a shrillness in her voice that made me cringe.

"How did that slip through the cracks, Alice?" Edward snapped back. He was in a defense stance, his mouth barred back and his fangs glinting in the darkness. I barely was able to suppress an eye roll.

That was Edward, always the drama queen.

His eyes shot to me, looking incredulous.

"Drama queen?" He hissed.

"He's got a point there Edward. But why are you so surprised? You bring the klutz of a human into a room full of vampires-what did you expect to happen?" Although Rose had never hid her disdain for Bella, there was no snark or sneer in her tone or expression as she spoke-just matter of fact.

"I like the human. Hey, I got a slogan for her. Refreshing-not a refreshment." Emmet cackled, and then blanched as Edward took a threatening step towards him. Emmet sighed, backtracking quickly.

"Edward, even I saw that Jasper was not going to attack." He said quietly, his tone now unusually serious. Rose looked at her fingernails, appearing to be indifferent, but I knew it was for show. She felt the same as Emmett, but did not want to voice it. She was happy to stay on the lines for this one-neither agreeing nor disagreeing. And for Rose, that was a step up.

Alice, who had remained unusually quiet, finally spoke up.

"You can't do what you're going to do, Edward. Even if Jasper had tried to attack-it's not fair on anyone. Please think about the implications, because if you make this decision, everything will change." Alice's voice bore a warning I'd never heard before, not even when James had been tracking us. Edward looked at Alice, his eyes squinted in concentration.

"No, I'm not going to tell you! Why should I? You don't trust me now, so why would you trust this? It's hurtful to me, Edward, and it's hurtful to Jasper." I remained quiet. I knew what Edward was thinking-why should it matter about me? It was always about me-they were always worrying, wondering when I would screw up again, when they'd be forced to leave a place they loved because of me- _again._

I agreed with him.

Edward's eyes slid over to me quickly, acknowledging my thought, and then back over to Alice.

"Alice, it's not that I don't trust you. But your visions are not set in stone, because people change their minds. I can't afford that with Bella, ever." Edward's voice was quiet with resignation, and I did not miss how he had not me-had not said whether he trusted me or not.

"Don't do this, Edward."

"What's going on? What's Edward going to do?" Emmet's voice interrupted, and I felt his frustration at always being one step behind the pair. This I understood, because although I was attuned to every sense of feeling, there were times like this when I was left out. Rose had even glanced up, frowning as she too waited for an answer.

Alice finally spoke, turning away from a rigid Edward and to the rest of us.

"We're leaving. We're leaving this place, and Bella."

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I'm not sure what made me do it.

It might have been because ever since that night, I had become an outcast. There was a sense of doom that hung over the house, and I found myself avoiding it, and even Alice. I could not stand her pitying looks, or her quiet admissions of that this lay with Edward and not me.

Perhaps, the reason was because I knew that Bella would be experiencing something akin to what I felt, that Edward had made the choices for both of us over an exaggeration on his half.

The others had left by now, and I remember the bittersweet goodbye I had shared with Alice. She had seemed sad, too sad, for a parting that was only going to be short. I wonder if she had known that I was going to check on Bella before I left. I know that I still barely knew Bella herself, but because of what had happened, I felt it was my duty to at least see if she was okay-because if I was struggling with this, then surely she would be, too.

Edward had said that she would be fine, that she was human and would forget.

Even Rose had scoffed at that, believing that Edward's head was-these were her words, 'up his ass in denial'. He knew Bella better then any of us-and we all knew how she would react to this.

But he had said, and no one had argued further. I don't know why we didn't. I don't think it would have changed anything, but it's hard sometimes not to go over it and wonder. Had I not learned that it' the little things that happen, that cause big ripples? Like a stone skipping over a lake.

I had never known how much I despised not being trusted, or how unnecessary it was until Bella. It didn't seem to matter that I had taken control over my senses. Perhaps it was habitual; for so long they had watched every move I made, ready to intervene. Hadn't I proved it that night, that I could control myself?

Edward's scent lingered heavily around the house, but it was not fresh. It was strongest by her window, and that is where I sat perched, watching her. She tossed and turned in her sleep, and her pain hit me so strongly; wave after wave until I felt crippled and had to move away.

I felt her turmoil so strongly, that even after I took off, I still felt as if I wore it myself. As if it had embedded into me, recognizing my own pain and moulding into it and becoming one with my own flesh.

And that was when I knew, that I could not leave her. Not like that.

At the time, I wasn't thinking about the possibility of her not letting me help her, or even a starting point as to how to help her.

All I knew, was that I could not leave.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for all the feedback guys. To be honest I was meant to get this chapter out last week but I came across a lot of things that have been happening in America (and who knows where else it's been happening) that has made me feel SICK to my stomach. I'll be honest with you-lately I've had to sleep with the light on because there is so much darkness that I feel is going on in the world that I couldn't stand it in the physical sense.  
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 **Anyway I doubt I'll ever write Jasper again. He's a very unique and interesting character and I would want to be able to do him justice-and I don't think I really can.**

 **Hope ya'll like this one! As always, I LOVE feedback. Any kind! Constructive criticism is great too. I LOVE to write. I classify myself as a writer-so I want to hear whatever you have that will help me improve. Encouragement is great too! It propels me to write more. I think things will pick up after this chapter. Please bear with me, I know it's slow. But I will make it worth your while, and if I get feedback I will update tomorrow. (Or try to).  
**

 **I do not own the Twilight Saga. I do not write for profit.**

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 _Bella_

I had had enough moments in my already long life, to know that I despised build ups in moments. I had lived through enough, to know that that kind of tension did not excite nor thrill me. And this wasn't because I knew of a far greater thing that did just that.

I'd had my fair share of drug like highs, to know that they were bad for me, and I did not do well with them. And I cannot-nor will you ever hear me-discredit Edward; because he knew that too.

That's why I believe he did not wait long to leave.

It was the morning after my birthday. I had thought, that after last night there could be nothing else that could live up to the horror of it-at least, not so soon. It had surpassed my experience with James because there are worst pains then the physical kind.

Maybe this was the world's way of finally catching up to me. I had been trying to escape the natural order of things, defying it at every turn. Perhaps now, there was a balanced justice in the universe. I did not dwell too much in those kind of thoughts-that was more of my mother's area of expertise. I simply got on with it.

Except-when Edward showed up to take me to school this morning, I knew that simply getting on with it was not something I was going to be able to do.

His eyes were hard, and his mouth pressed tightly as if he was trying to clamp certain words down. I looked past the hardness in the gold, and saw the sorrow that lurked closely beneath the surface. I raised my hand, wanting not only to touch him and remove the distance that seemed to be between us, but to caress the wrinkles away, to smooth them out so completely that there was no evidence of them ever being there.

Edward's hand shot out, his long fingers wrapping around my wrist. For a moment he simply held it, and then let go. I let it drop quickly and limply to my side, biting my lip so to not comment on the rejection I felt.

From Edward I was used to physical rejection. I understood-although I protested it far too greatly and tried to break through barriers far too often-that there was certain things he could not do. But touching his face did not fall into that category, and it both stung and frightened me.

"I cannot draw this out. To both of us, it would be unfair. And you've had too many of those moments with my family, and myself." Edward's tone was polite, but by the end I could hear the bitterness. I swallowed against the torrent of words I could feel, instead concentrating and plucking out the ones I thought were best.

"Draw what out, Edward? Please don't say that about yourself-or your family. My choices have belonged to me." The word unfortunately should have followed, but I did not want to start up an old argument. Not when I foresaw a much greater one.

"I'll be blunt with you, then. Honest."

"That's all I've ever asked from you. From the start," I murmured, almost shocked that he would forget that about me. Wasn't it I who continued to chase-and him who continued to run?

"We're leaving. All of us. It was foolish of me to partake in this-in this _experiment_. I am-well, sorry seems to be such a light word. I am _remorseful_ that I let it get on to this point. That-that I gave into the feelings like a seventeen year old boy would. It will be easier for me, I think. To forget-because I _am not_ seventeen. You are young, Bella. In time, you too will forget this _phrase_ of your life ever happened. You are human." Every word he spoke, the way they slipped off his tongue, dug into me. The dagger might have been small, but it's thrusts were not. It split me apart, and still continued to chip away, spilling out parts of me along the way. Leaving dripping messes, eager to rid all of me. I was surprised that I was still standing, could still breathe when this torture was going on inside of me.

"This-this _phrase_?" I spat out, blinking up at him as his face wavered in and out of my vision. Edward did not flinch-in fact, he hardly seemed surprised. I was, however. How could Edward think that this was a phrase? After _everything_ -after the risks, how long it took to actually be honest with one another-all the sleepless nights and long days...how could he _think_ -

"You're young, Bella. There will be others. I want you to be safe, I want you to live a normal life. We never could have worked. Trying to merge a human and a vampire? You're _food_ to us."

"You proved with what happened with James, that it didn't matter. You chose _me_. Edward-you can't just leave. Not because of what happened with Jasper. It was _nothing_. Couldn't you-you _especially!_ \- see that he wouldn't have attacked me?"

"It should never have happened at all," Edward said coldly, his tone grounding after my frantic pleading outburst.

"And, it won't happen again."

"Edward-"

"Take care of yourself, alright? I'm sure after us, your number won't be anywhere near as high. Don't go wandering down streets late at night by yourself. Don't go through the woods on your own."

"So my safety matters, but not what I feel? Not what-not what you feel?" Although I was angry and desperate to change what was playing out in front of me, to rip up the script he was so clearly reading from-I could not come straight out and say that he loved me, too. It is one thing to declare your love so strongly-but to declare anyone else's? Even after it had been said, had been shared amongst whispers and laughs, I still found that the words would not leave my own lips.

"I do care about you, Bella. But I don't lo-that's it. It's platonic. I was so interested in how your mind works, I got carried away. I am sorry. But I'm just trying to do the right thing here-for both of us. So yes, your safety matters."

"It was-all about my freaky mind?" I whispered the words, and my arm slunk around to my stomach, as if my body was finally reacting to the turmoil, forcing a response.

Edward's eyes crinkled, but I found I was too far gone to be able to read his expressions anymore. It was slipping away from me-just like he was, and just like my fingers were as he continued to push.

"I did harbor certain feelings for you, yes. But after James, after Jasper-how can I continue to let this go on? You need to be with your own species."

"And you?" My voice was a whisper, and instead of there being so many words in me, I could scarcely find any.

Edward gave a careless shrug.

"I should be with mine."

"If you change me-"

"Bella. You would lose what has drawn me to you. You as a vampire would be as-as, would not be good for me. It's not a path I wish to go down with you."

I took a step back, as if his words had been a physical blow. I wish they had been. I wish he had struck me so hard that I had passed out.

I wish-I wish he had simply just killed me.

Because death had to be better then this empty, hollowing feeling. It was as if everything that was me had fallen out, and nothing was left. It was-he had reached into the gaping hole made from his own dagger, and taken everything from me.

And, as much as I tried, not to let my control slip, I could not hold the gasp in. Edward flinched slightly; he was not immune to the noises I made when I was in pain.

"Carlisle left a message on your father's phone-told him that we were leaving and you were saying your goodbyes. I believe he will expect to find you here. We won't bother you again, Bella. It will really be as if we never existed." I closed my eyes, in denial about him leaving it here like this. In denial about his cruelty-despite whatever intention he had.

When I opened my eyes next, he was gone.

And so was I.


	5. Chapter 5

_Bella_

Silence can mean a variety of things. But to me, it's always been some form of warning.

Sometimes, I think the mind projects silence; everything blurs out of focus. Vision and hearing is muted, because your sole focus is what's unfolding right before you.

And then, it feels like everything hits you at full speed when all senses start functioning again.

But it's not because it starts up again. It's only because you noticed the absence, so you notice the reappearance.

This, was how it felt for me when Edward left. There was a silence that passed the norm. The kind that you felt in the very depth of you, that shut you out from the world and isolated you.

Edward was wrong. He should have known that I have never been a normal human. I do not forget easily.

In fact, I do not forget at all.

Most times I simply bury it, and push it to the back of my mind. It's like a filing cabinet was created just for this purpose. Things get stored away categorically, and I can take it out whenever I please to flick through.

Unfortunately, it does not come with a key, because anyone has the power to cause the drawers to come springing open. And sometimes, I do not have control to push it shut against them.

Especially when there are those who keep pushing.

And sometimes, the files end up on the ground, and I am trying hurriedly to pick them up and put them away, while on the outside I am a perfect case of indifference.

It's something I picked up on from my mother. She is the polar opposite to me, and wore her heart on her sleeve. And I do think there is beauty in that-but there is also disaster.

I've seen happiness from her and I've also seen devastation. The kind where she could not get up out of bed, not even for me. It was the one time I ever called Charlie to intervene-and that was a whole other mess on it's own, and I promised myself at twelve years old that I would never allow myself to come to that state. Not that I bore any grudges against Renee, but I knew this was not something I wanted for myself.

I was not so naive to think that I could escape life unscratched and unscathed, but I taught myself discipline and control to withstand it.

When Charlie rushed in after work the day Edward left, he was surprised to find me sitting calmly at the table doing my homework.

He asked and he pried, but I was prepared, and told him reasonably-

"It's okay, dad. We did not end on bad terms. If there's a future for us, there will be. But I am only eighteen years old."

I know Charlie was battling it out-on one side, he was impressed to have such a mature daughter. But on the other, he knew how much I had loved Edward, and what our relationship had meant to me.

I faked a sniffle and cleared my throat, as if it was hoarse from crying. My father's expression shifted into alarm.

"I mean-it sucks, Ch-dad. But-I'm not going to let it kill me. I'm made of stronger stuff then that."

Charlie's eyes softened, and he moved over to squeeze my shoulder.

"Alright, Bells. But I'm here if you want to talk about it." He sounded as pained as he looked, but I knew he meant it and that was enough for me.

"Also-I might have mentioned it to Billy, so Jake will probably know. I give him two days to be at our door."

I sighed, drumming my pencil against the paperwork I had used as props today. Jacob was a sweet kid-very brother like material. But I did not know him well, and I was not sure if I could pull off the pretense with him because of that very reason. I kept my expression neutral and nodded, not saying anything to convey how I felt about it.

Once I got into the rhythm of pretending that everything was okay-I started to believe it. But I could not fool myself for long, I knew that as soon as I made it to my bed, I would be alone, and the need for the act would disappear.

I put it off as long as I could, but eventually I forced myself to retire to my room. I organized my things for tomorrow, firmly avoiding the thought of returning to school without Edward and without the Cullen's. But try as I might, I could not ignore the flashes of people and their interested, smug looks as they heard about the news. I knew what the would be thinking- _I see average Bella wasn't cut for a long relationship with someone like Edward. See, I told you!_ The very thought of people thinking those things, and it being spread through whispers behind hands made me have to sit down. I put my head between my knees and forced myself to breathe through it, and reminded myself that that was tomorrow's battle, for I had enough to worry about here and now. When I was calm enough and in control of myself, I slipped under the blankets.

Before I knew what it felt like to sleep with someone, I managed well. But now that I knew, and I had to revert to sleeping on my own; it was one of the hardest things to adapt back to. And I was reminded so strongly then, that you could not go back.

I felt Edward's absence the strongest in this moment, for the times when we were alone, and he would sing me to sleep had been my favorite. We were granted a luxury of privacy that I shouldn't have been privy to.

My eyes would not leave the window, replaying the time when he came through it on repeat. I could not turn it off; there was no remote or plug to do that. I just had to wait it out, until I could fall asleep.

That night, the loss I felt was unbearable, and I fell asleep with tears drying on my face, and golden eyes in my nightmares.

* * *

Jacob arrived the very next morning.

After only an agonizing few hours of sleep, I had opened my emergency kit of makeup that my mother had sent me for my birthday. I avoided a haunted gaze, and instead focused on brushing the foundation over my face and pressing concealer underneath my eyes. I pressed hard, as if I could push through the skin and use it to conceal my thoughts.

But even then-it was only a coverage, and eventually it would wear off just as make up did.

I was locking the door, my body twisted the other way as I double checked it.

When I swung around to the front, I was startled to see a body planted in my way. I stumbled, my back pressing into the door, holding my hands out in front of me in some pathetic attempt to protect myself.

A chuckle rumbled like an echo of thunder, and I slowly let my hands fall down to my side. Jacob Black stood before me, looking down at me with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. At least, I think it was Jacob.

Gone was the long hair that I had admired, and in it's place a buzzed crew cut. He wore a tank top over what I was sure was a stomach full of abbs-if the muscles on his arms were anything to go by.

The most daunting thing was that the boyish Jacob was physically gone.

Though, as we conversed and his expressions changed, I could still see him.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Really. But can I just say for future reference...holding out your hands like that would really do nothing."

I huffed, ignoring the laughter that was in his voice and his mocking words.

"Well-I don't know why you even bothered to ask if you could say it, because you did. And also, how would you know? I was going to lure them into a false security-thinking that I was a damsel in distress before I used that to my advantage and knocked them out."

Jacob's smugness vanished, and he stood blinking at me. I was surprised by my banter too-but Jacob made it so easy to engage.

"Um, Bella, honey. That's impressive-but say that worked. Then what? You're tiny. That would probably only piss them off."

"Don't underestimate the tiny people. I would have kicked him in the nuts. Want me to show you?"

"Aw, don't get snotty. I meant no harm in it-just simple, friendly concern. If you'd like, I can show you self defense." We had begun moving to my car, Jacob following my careful strides in an easy, carefree little jog. He intercepted me at my car door, and I was forced to stop and look up at him.

"Aw, Jake. I can take care of myself."

"Can you?" Here, he held my gaze. His concern was stifling, and I could feel it invade all of my senses. It met the back of my throat and I was forced to swallow it down.

"Yes. I can." I gazed at him evenly, and his expression shifted, before flashing back into an easy going smile. There was something troubling in that, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"Okay. Well Bells, I just want to make sure you know that I'm here. After all, we bonded over sandy pies at the beach, so of course now, it's my duty to make sure you're alright." I rolled my eyes, but I could not stop the smile on my face.

No, I could not-but his next words did.

"Edward-you're too good for him, okay? Just, just remember that."

I had to turn away, clamping down on my mouth to stifle a pained moan at the mention of his name-at the mention of him, of us. My shoulders snapped back when Jacob's hand came to a rest on it, nudging me to face him again.

"Sorry. I won't mention it again. But, if you need to get away, or anything, give me a call alright?" I found I was incapable of speech, and another look crossed his face before he leaned forwards and pressed a kiss on my forehead. A shaky breath escaped me, and I wrenched myself out of his hold, glowering at him.

"Later, Bells!" he grinned, not looking the least bit put off as he jogged over to his bike.

"Are you even old enough to drive?" I yelled over the engine. He turned back to me with another bark of a laugh.

"I turned sixteen the other day. Besides, I have a permit at La Push-and even if I was caught here...I'm good friends with particular cops, you know?" and then he roared off, and I had no time to think over the encounter-especially the bits the struck out as odd to me. It was good to know that I was sharp enough to pick up on things that didn't sit right with me.

Edward hadn't taken everything.

It was a blessing in more then one way that Jacob had made me late to school. It meant that most of the students had dispersed to class, and I was too rushed on making it in time to be fearful.

I made it to my first class and had to halt, remembering that it was Maths and that I sat next to Jessica. I faltered for a moment, cringing away from the door and turning in the direction of the front building.

I knew I couldn't delay this; no matter how much time passed, there would always be the first day after. In fact, delaying it spoke higher volumes on my emotional state. I just had to get through today, and then it would become bearable.

Was that all I had to look forward to? Bearable days?

My arm curled around my stomach, and I pressed it into my skin so tightly that all breath escaped me. This movement to me, was holding myself together, and forcing all poisonous thoughts to be released with the force of exhale.

And for the time, the imagery worked.

I wasn't worried about how insane that sounded-everyone had their coping methods.

No, I was more worried about when it would stop working and what I would do then.

"Hey Bella! I was waiting for you at your locker. Are you coming in, or what?" Jessica's voice sounded like an alarm in my head, and I knew that in a way it was. I had to call on the remaining of my strength not to jump or make any other upsetting reaction.

Instead, I simply turned to her and smiled.

"Oh, were you really? I was a bit late this morning-I love my truck but my God it has problems-and had to skip going to my locker." Jessica looked so taken aback, that the smile now on my face was genuine. I didn't wait for her to reply, I simply turned my back on her and made haste for our desk.

I had to hide my smirk as it took her a few moments to absorb my attitude and how I was adjusting to what I knew was the biggest scandal to hit the small town. She finally sat down beside me, turning her body to face me and giving me what I knew she thought was a loving look from a friend.

I knew better.

I could see the hunger for the juices that only gossip could bring, and I could see how desperately she wanted to sink her teeth into me to retrieve it.

And in a way, this helped. I was determined to prove everyone wrong, to show them that I was not the girl to fall apart after a guy left her. I knew it was more then that for me, but _they_ didn't know that.

It was not like I cared what people thought about me, because I didn't. But living in such a small town where everyone knows one another is a problematic thing for someone like me-because I knew word would reach Charlie. Besides, it had been almost fun to see the tables turned on Jessica. So, I had a mission to keep up this act here-and if I could raise a little hell on the way like that, then so be it.

It seemed like I was good at that-raising hell.

 **A/N: So, Jasper and Bella talk in the next chapter. I already know how it's going to go.**

 **Please review and tell me what you thought! Obviously-the time line is a little different, but when that becomes more established you will understand why.**

 **I'm not a hundred percent on this chapter-I've been really ill recently, but I wanted to update.**


	6. Chapter 6

I'd just left the bookstore in Portland when it happened. I needed new distractions, and books gave that to me. Instead of the usual sentimental, romantic genre that I've now deemed bullshit, I went for gore and crime. I wanted heroines that were the leads, with boys as the side kicks. I wanted girls uniting for power, instead of coming together for gossip. I wanted different and maybe just as unrealistic as what I'd been reading, but better nonetheless.

The bookstore I was in, was the same one that I trailed out of last year and was followed by four men. Perhaps, I subconsciously went there for that reason, understanding before knowing that I'd just initiated something, because I had history here.

I'm sure that it doesn't work like that for everyone-but I am not everyone.

I stopped just outside the doors, looking down the street at the bar across. There were several men situated outside, surrounding their bikes with beers in their hands. I wondered if I was going to draw their attention, knowing that there was no Edward lurking in the shadows to rescue me.

But that was okay, because I knew what I was capable of, and I could rescue myself just fine.

That is what I told myself as I made haste towards my car.

"Hey, sweet cheeks!" The keys fumbled out of my hands, and I bent down quickly to retrieve them. As soon as I was upright, I notice that a couple of the men have moved and are halfway across the street.

"Hi," I murmured cautiously as I jabbed the key into the lock of my door.

"That doesn't look safe, honey. Why don't you let me give you a ride?" One slurred, and the other giggled in support of his friend's attempt. I open the door and climb in, slamming it shut with a bang. I planned to ignore them, but they moved to my side, and my window was half way down, stuck there for several days now.

Usually I would have gotten Edward to fix it-but.

Well, just but.

It is a cruel reminder, and I make a note to remind Charlie of it tomorrow.

"My truck is quite safe, thanks. Probably safer then leaving with a stranger. But uh, thanks for your kind offer." I don't know where the bravado came from. I think it is left over confidence that I was given by being protected by vampires.

And in the end, even that didn't help.

His friend laughed again, clapping him on the back before walking away.

"Good luck!" He threw over his shoulder, and I almost wished he hadn't left. He seemed like one to get a message, and one to be able to laugh it off, but perhaps that is because he was not rejected. I turned my attention to the other, who is looking at me, looking quite put out.

"I don't know why girls are so rude about it."

"I don't know how that was even remotely rude. I used my thank yous, didn't I?" My hand found the handbrake, inches away from releasing it when the side of my door is whipped open.

I let out an undignified squeak, heroine acts forgotten as he reached up. His hands were inches away from my face, until they were suddenly gone altogether.

There's a noise of someone hitting gravel, and a low moan of pain that accompanies it. Then, the night is silent as it and it's inhabitants recognize that something has gone wrong.

I switched off the engine and fumbled out of the car.

My eyes landed on a figure that is hovering over a crouched one, and for a moment I hesitated, unsure of how to proceed.

But I've never been able to sit on the sidelines for long.

"Bella, stay right there." The figure said.

I can't move. And it's not because I don't want to, or because they asked me of it.

It's because of who asked me to.

"I wasn't going to do anything!" The other whimpered, and I almost felt sorry for him. Maybe I would, if I had been capable of feeling anything other then shock.

"Oh? So, opening someone's door to grab them falls under that category, does it?"

"I wasn't-I-"

"Jasper, it's okay." I finally found my voice, only because I did not want this to continue. I did not know what Jasper had planned for the man, but by the cold edge to his voice I knew it couldn't be anything good.

"Bella, please get in the car." He didn't turn towards me as he spoke to me, but his voice was more softer, tender even.

"Only if you come to. Please, Jasper." He went still, and so did the other man as he waited for the deciding factor of his outcome for harassing me.

I looked over at the bar, and even though the men were on alert, they made no move to intervene, and for that I was grateful. I did not want a scene; in fact, more then anything I wanted Jasper to get in the car with me and explain to me why he had been here.

Why he was still here, and what it meant.

"Alright, Bella. Give me one minute. Go on now." I hesitated, and Jasper finally turned around and gave me his undivided attention.

"It's alright." He said, and suddenly I felt that was exactly what it was. I turned around and climbed back into my truck, knowing full well that Jasper had just used his compelling powers on me but also not giving a damn about it for now because it was nice to feel that it was okay. Breaks were nice, and I would take it where I could get it.

I watched through wary eyes as Jasper crouched down beside the man and leaned in close. I'm not sure what words were exchanged, but I could guess they were not friendly by the way the man cowered even more. I looked down at my steering wheel, reaching out and curling my fingers around it. For some reason, it made me a feel a little bit better. Perhaps it was because I had something physical to hold onto, that my mind could reach the same conclusion.

I am so focused on that that I don't see Jasper move, I only hear the passenger door open. I jumped, my head snapping to the side so quickly that I should have gotten whiplash.

Jasper looked at me calmly, keeping his eyes on me as he shut the door, tucking himself into the truck neatly.

"Sorry. Are you alright? Did he touch you?" Jasper's eyes observed me quickly and I'm sure thoroughly, before settling back onto my face. I waited a moment to reply, trying to gauge his expression. His eyes are golden, but there are flecks of shadows amongst the light. I believed he was angry, but I did not ask. Instead, I answered his question.

"I'm fine, Jasper. You interfered at the right time. Which, of course you know what I'm going to ask next." My voice was flat and blunt, and Jasper let out a sigh.

"How about you start the engine, and I'll explain what I can?"


	7. Chapter 7

I thought I knew what was coming.

And that was half truths, without my awareness of them, designed to keep both sides happy.

I wonder if Edward ever lied to me not just for the sake of protection -and really, every time he ever tried, I was cast more into the firing line-but to keep me interested. To keep the pretense of mystery, so that I was always one foot in, and one foot out.

Just the way he always liked it.

But the way I hated it.

But I know Edward is not manipulative in that sense. I know he cared for me, and wanted what was best for me. I cannot sour our memories by thinking any other way, because it would be a lie.

Jasper's hands curl even more so around the old wheel, and my eyes are drawn to the movements of his slender fingers.

"I stayed behind." Jasper's voice suddenly breaks through, and my eyes are dragged back up to his face.

"Clearly." The word slipped, and Jasper pursued his lips. I know this must be difficult for him.

But I can't ignore my own feelings.

This is difficult for me, too.

Jasper looked over at me, and his expression softened marginally.

"They left first. And then it was just Alice and I-until it was just myself." I frowned at this. I hadn't thought I could be more surprised at tonight's revelations, but the fact that he was on his own? Yeah, that was something.

Now that I had the chance to think beyond, it didn't make sense that Alice wasn't with him. Those two had seemed more inseparable than Edward and I.

But I should know more than anything, things are never what they seem.

Jasper read my confusion accurately, and nodded in agreement.

"It was meant to be a short parting. I-I couldn't leave straight away." His voice was tense; frustration and confusion all balled into one. I stretched out my hand, paused, and then let it fall gently back to my lap.

"Why?"

His eyes burned into me.

"Your pain. At being left behind. Your insecurities about not being enough. It felt similar to my own. Not being trusted, always hovering on the edge; how openly that was displayed that night. You're the one who knew that I wouldn't do anything. You, an outsider, a human. You, who didn't even know me. You somehow knew. More than Alice did."

I furrowed my brows, feeling a flare of annoyance towards his adopted family. My anger burned coolly; shouldn't they, who have been on this journey with him since he was born into this life, shouldn't they have been able to see the difference to who he was, and who he is now?

"You still feel like an outsider. So you can relate to me. The human." I smiled mockingly at him. Jasper stared at me.

"Can you watch the road?" I blurted out after some time, knowing that he didn't need to-but I needed him to take that smouldering gaze off me.

"Edward didn't get it. Thought that you felt like an outsider only because you were human. He thought you were normal. But you've never felt like you've belonged in your own kind, have you?" Jasper's voice was soft, and right on target.

I couldn't respond. How could someone who claimed to have loved me not understand this, but their outcast of a brother, the least person I corresponded with, did?

Granted, he was attuned to feelings. But he was not attuned to thoughts, and I knew I did a pretty damn good job at hiding those things about me.

"I relate to you. Of course I understand that." Jasper's voice was gentle, and for some reason it made me want to cry. Jasper bit his lip, but said nothing, and did nothing-though it was clear that he wanted to.

"Why didn't Alice know?"

"She knew to some extent. But Bella? It was your face that stood out. You looked scared for a moment, but then you looked calm, as if you knew I wasn't going to do anything."

"To be honest, Jasper, I think Edward caused the problem that night. Not you." The words fell out, so calm because they were the truth and I'd been thinking it the whole time.

"It's caused a bit of a divide in the family," Jasper agreed sullenly, and then quickly added,

"Though not because of you. Because of Edward and his obsessive desire to control everything. Didn't it ever get boring?"

I took a deep breath.

And another.

"So what was so special about my pain, besides the fact that you could relate, which made you stay behind?" I asked instead. Jasper frowned, but did not try to backtrack, respecting that I did not want to talk about it. I did not mean my question vainly-as that was what he had said to me. I was just trying to understand, because I could not comprehend the fact that my pain was a factor that made him stay.

"Because I couldn't go with them. For me, that was the last straw. And it wasn't just the fact that they didn't trust me. It was how they so easily followed Edward-knowing what it would do. I respect the bond between him and Carlisle-but I don't want them making decisions for me anymore. And it's not fair that they made that decision for you."

A shuddering breath from me alerted Jasper that he had triggered something deep within me. He indicated before pulling the car over to the side, and then turned to me to give me his full attention.

"You need to know, that they put up a fight. That words were said, that opened old and new wounds. You need to know that in this family you matter. To them-you were like a missing piece. Granted, they didn't know they were missing you until you arrived and then left. But that makes you that much more special."

I'm sure to every girl, being called special is a good feeling, and I'm not saying it isn't. But for me, I have lived simply and by actions. Sure, my mother always told me she loved me. But she showed it to me in the way that she depended on me. Charlie shows me in the way that he bought a car for me, that he tries to cook meals when we both know he can't. I am very much his daughter-we do not like saying what we feel, especially when we express it in a physical manner. Edward was the first person to ever come in with pretty words. And even then it didn't mean that much to me, because he was too busy pushing me away all the time.

"You think you need it shown by actions, and everyone does- that is true. But you, silly girl, are a walking hypocrisy. You are both the most secure, and insecure human." I blinked at him, and knew that I was blushing for the first time in his presence by the way his eyes darkened, and he had to look away.

"I didn't even get a goodbye, Jasper. And they did leave. I can't be that special, can I?" The words tumbled out, and I cursed myself for them. It had just proven his point, and by the way he looked at me, I knew he could see that it had, too.

"Yes, that was cruel, wasn't it? Look, this is a conversation you should have with Edward, because I really am biased in it-but I will admit this truth, he thought it would be best if we all went away without a fuss. So you could live a human life. I know you don't think it, but he was trying to do you a kindness."

"I know he was. That's also why I'm so mad. Because he didn't do that to deliberately hurt me-so I can' t exactly fault him, can I? But he thinks he knows best, and I'm beginning to see he never has. I'm always the one who's known best. But I have to admit Jasper..." Here I stopped, unsure whether to tell him this part. Jasper raised an eyebrow.

"Go on," He said slowly.

"I'm beginning to think that I'm no longer the one who knows best."

* * *

 **A/N: Next chapter will discuss Jasper and Alice's relationship. I thought this was a nice way to end the chapter. I ranted on a little bit in the earlier chapters at how in other stories Jasper and Bella's relationship jumps... I'm trying not to do that but it is a little bit hard!I also want to point out if I haven't already I meant no disrespect in saying that because I love those stories!  
**

 **But anyway, you will see more of Jasper's thoughts on Bella in the next chapter when Alice comes up again. Because although he can relate to Bella, it doesn't mean he likes it right at this moment.**

 **Please review and tell me what you thought and what not! Thank you!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Bella, you shouldn't say things like that. I may relate to you. But I really don't know you at all. I only ever knew the person you portrayed yourself as with Edward." I thought carefully over his words, and even more so at his pinched expression, and the clear distaste and approval that shaded through the words darkly.

"I was mostly myself with Edward-I just didn't have much of an opportunity to do so in front of you and your family. He didn't like me over there much, did he? That should have been a warning to me."

"For all your talk of not belonging with your species, you sure sound like a girl there." I raised my eyebrows, not entirely understanding.

"Don't girls tend to ignore warnings and remain with the guy anyway-hoping they will change?" The words were not scathing, and there was even a hint of playfulness in the lines on Jasper's face.

"I didn't want him to change. I did, remember?" I pointed out, and he just sighed in response.

"Jasper, where's Alice?" I brought us back, and wasn't surprised when Jasper's jaw clenched, and his hands tightened around the steering wheel.

"Best leave that alone."

"No."

"You never liked obeying orders, did you?" Jasper observed, and I found myself blushing. He spoke no more, or no less than the truth. I always had made the decisions for myself. It had been that way for a long time. If someone asked something of me-and I saw it to be good, than I would agree.

Jasper was no doubt thinking of the time I ran off to face James. But how could I not have, when I believed he was holding someone I loved hostage? James may have been a vampire, and he may have been playing games with all of us.

But it was my mother he had taken, and he knew that I would go, and that by targeting me, would target all. Jasper looked at me grimly, no doubt noticing the blush fading and replaced by something else as I remembered.

I once said that I was very good at blocking and repressing things. I meant that then, and I mean it now. I didn't often think about James, but when I did, I was quite apt at pushing it to the corner of my mind. A place that was so secretive, that even I barely ever went there.

"Ah." Jasper said quietly, and I shook my head stubbornly. He could not know. Even Edward had not known. I shook my head again at him-quite clearly telling him, no, we were not doing this. He seemed to get the message, and he waited for me to ask again.

"Jasper. Where's Alice?"

"Gone. Isn't that enough?" His tone was dark, and his eyes narrowed as he started the car and pulled out back onto the road.

"No, it's not. Will you be meeting up with her, or will she be coming back? I find it hard to believe that what happened between us-something that was a misunderstanding, could result in this."

Jasper remained silent. I didn't need to be what he was, to know that the hurt was near, and he did not wish to speak-least of all to me. But I could not help myself. Lately, I never could. I had changed, but I hadn't.

How could you change so much and be the same? Such was the twisting of this tale. It wasn't just about me and Edward anymore, but instead branched far deeper out, and if we weren't careful, it would uproot us all.

It seemed it already had. I had been foolish to think that my part in this had ended.

"Jasper. Will you be leaving soon?"

"I don't know. She won't speak of the future to me. We had-there were some words had. And for now, I'm just staying by myself."

"But why here?" I whispered.

He looked at me then, and his expression had only softened marginally.

"I don't know."

Jasper pulled up a few houses away from my own. We had been silent ever since he had admitted the answer. There didn't seem to be much more to say, or ask-not until he figured it out for himself. I wasn't about to offer my assistance, not when he bore such a warning that told me 'ask at your own peril'.

For now, it seemed we were at a stalemate. I wondered what that was like for him;I had been used to it, but for many years of his vampire life, he was used to knowing.

I turned to him, trying to think of the right words to say to wish him goodnight, to ask if we would see each other again, but the expression on his face caused my throat to close in terror. It happened sometimes. When you're scared, and you know you should scream but you simply cannot. I should know.

"What is it?" I managed to breathe, for Jasper had gone so still, and his eyes were wide and black in the night.

He went to reach for me, but my door was pulled open, and lucky I had already unbuckled my seat belt because I was suddenly and almost painfully yanked out of the car.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, fighting and trying to wriggle out of the tight hold they kept on me, even when my feet touched the ground. There was a blur, for which I knew was Jasper, and I was pushed backwards as the two bodies collided with a sound that rang like thunder. I pressed myself against the car in fright, only to step forwards in alarm as I recognized who had pulled me out of the car.

"Jacob! Jasper-stop! _Stop_!" I hissed, for I did not want to cause a scene and after all, Charlie was only a few houses away.

Both moved, as if trying to step in front of me. I held my hands out in protest, and somehow we were standing in some awkward arrangement of a circle. Jacob was glaring daggers at Jasper, and I was trying to process what was going on. Shock made my mind slower, and the only outcome I could think was altogether too outrageous.

"You know this... _person_?" Jasper snarled out in distaste, and I blinked at him warily. Jacob answered for me before I could.

"Yeah, she does know me. Unlucky for your lot, isn't it? You better say goodbye. This is the last time you'll be seeing her."

"Jacob!" I cut in, appalled. Who did he think he was? We were not that close of friends. So what if only just recently he had come to see me, to check if I was okay? He was not my keeper.

Jasper looked over at me, and I wondered what he was thinking as he appraised me. But I was no reader, I had no other set of skills then my own mind, and it was not rightly functioning.

"Jacob, you cannot and will not speak for me! You're lucky I know you enough to know that for you to say this, you must think you know something, and this is not the time-"

"Think it? I know it. You won't be seeing him again, so it hardly matters." Jacob said coolly, folding his arms across his chest, not even bothering to look at me even though it was to me he addressed his speech to.

Jasper's lips curled, as if he were trying not to smile.

I, on the other hand, found myself getting quite fed up.

"Right-let's pretend your say has any merit. Why?" I asked, looking back and forth between the two, demanding an explanation. I had an ill feeling about this, and I only hoped that I was wrong. Because, surely-it couldn't be-

"I mean, Bells, I know him more than you do. At least...I hope I do." Jacob's voice was quiet by the end, and the look he shot me made my heart quail.

Jasper spoke, his voice soft and velvet.

"On on the contrary, I think she does. Better then you. Better then myself. But let her decide. For if you know her at all, you'll know that is how it is with her."

There was a heavy silence, and then Jacob was trembling. I frowned in alarm, and Jasper took a step back, his expression mirroring mine.

"Bella, get back."

"I would never hurt her!" Jacob's voice cut out like a whip, but I could hear his pain and that is what propelled me forwards. I crossed the distance, ignoring how Jasper made a move as if to stop me. I took Jacob's arms, and pulled him towards me.

"Jacob, it's okay." I knew it wasn't, there were questions to be answered, and games being played that shouldn't be. For, wasn't it a game that almost took my life six months ago?

"Let's just calm down, and then talk about this, okay?"I said, looking at him and then at Jasper, who looked like quite the wild animal that his brother thought him to be.

But I would not be a pawn, for someone to use me and move me as they pleased, and then dispose of me like Edward had. That wasn't fair, but it was what it was. I was also not some queen, to be protected by bishops. I was not some king, who refused to move and when did, was so limited. No, if I was any piece, I was my own knight, making those complicated moves, that came out of nowhere and struck when least expected. But more importantly, I was a protector.

I was a protector of myself this time around.


End file.
